The Phrases shared by A Dad Which Rescued Us as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was merely trying to survive for twelve months."

Former reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the challenges of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications during the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was thrust into acting as her chief support as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I was doing all the nights, every change… every stroll. The duty of both mum and dad," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The simple phrases "You're not in a good spot. You need support. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His situation is commonplace, but seldom highlighted. Although people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on mums and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are part of a broader inability to communicate amongst men, who still hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I failed to do that quick enough," he explains.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to admit they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not justified to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she stresses their mental health is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a respite - going on a short trip abroad, separate from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "terrible choices" when in his youth to modify how he was feeling, seeking comfort in drink and drugs as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Advice for Managing as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a friend, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less alone.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, meeting up with mates or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - eating well, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all contribute in how your emotional health is coping.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help is not failure - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the stability and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they confronted their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I expressed, on occasion I believe my role is to guide and direct you on life, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am discovering just as much as you are through this experience."